When Breath Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There is only so much that can be said about this tragic, yet fantastic, memoir by Paul Kalanithi.

Paul had spent decades of his life training to be a neurosurgeon. He had his life planned out. He would spend most of his time using his training to be a neurosurgeon while doing research; then spend the latter half (probably when he retired) being a writer. He was fascinated by literature, and even got his B.A and M.A in English Literature as well as multiple degrees/awards in science. However, this plan was cut short because at age thirty-six Paul was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. There is a line from the synopsis that I really found powerful, "One day he was a doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient struggling to live."

This book hit me right in the feels. By the end I came to love Paul and all that he dedicated his life to. I loved Lucy and how she stood by his side through it all. I loved all the people he became friends with throughout his medical career. I loved how he was vulnerable, by showing both his mistakes and his weaknesses. He doesn't try to come off as this perfect neurosurgeon, he shows us that sometimes as a doctor you are faced with difficult decisions and sometimes you make the right ones, but other times not. That aspect was probably my favorite part of the book. He was just so real with the reader, and I respect that from someone so knowledgable and intelligent, when he could've just glossed over all these things and made them how he wanted them to be. He didn't; he told us the truth.

The second part to this book was incredibly difficult to read. Especially when knowing the final outcome of his diagnosis, but it is so worth it to push through. He expressed vulnerability in this section of the book as well. This time, I felt an intense amount of emotion, instead of the respect I felt in the previous section when he revealed his mistakes. I felt grateful that he shared this horrific part of his life with us, because it was part of his life journey.

This is not a spoiler, Paul Kalanithi died March 9th 2015. I feel this is a very important detail to know before beginning this book. However, it still hit me like a truck and I was an absolute mess by the end. Tears like a downpour on my face. This is a difficult read, especially when knowing that he unfortunately passes away, but I would still highly recommend it. Paul is a beautiful writer and I wish I could've read more of what he would've wrote.